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There's a beautiful girl half my age who wants to be my friend on Facebook.

Oddly, despite being utterly gorgeous and a beauty queen from Brazil to boot, Ellie Zwonke has only been on Facebook for two days and has no friends at all. And she has chosen me, fat old balding guy, to fall in love with and wants to share her life with me.

I suppose I must be irresistible to women? I don't like to boast, but hot babes get in touch every day. Models, students, fashion designers, all sorts of cuties. Curiously, although they come from Florida, Texas and California in the main, they almost all now live in Kumasi, Ghana. Now I've never been to Kumasi, but listen guys, the density of hot blondes in the population must be quite astonishing.

Now before you go on the Air Ghana website to enquire about tickets, let me share with you this photo of Elizabeth Sarpong:

Elizabeth has another photo in her profile, and oddly enough, it looks quite a lot different

Yes, the Dumb is strong in this one.

It's not uncommon for the profile photo to be a pretty blonde girl, from Florida Tallahassee (sic), and for the rest of the photos to be selfies of some young black guy. You don't suppose that by any chance there is anything untoward about these profiles?

But report them to Facebook and the bot doesn't feel that they violate community standards. <sigh>

Comments

So Why Hangouts?

Almost all the beautiful girls who want to share my life online try to persuade me to stop using Messenger and change to WhatsApp or Google Hangouts. Obviously they are up to no good, s o, naturally, I don't want to do this. I do have WhatsApp, and even use it. And I have had Google Hangouts ever since Mr and Mrs Google first invented it, though I haven't used it for years and years. But of course I'm not going to say that to the scammers. So first way to mess with their heads is to feign ignorance. Well, I've worked in Tech Support, I can do ignorance. "What is WhatsApp?" "Oh, for chatting on line? I use a thing called Messenger" "How much does it cost? Really? Excellent" "Oh, I don't know how to do that stuff" Eventually she persuades me to try to download it from the App Store "Access Denied" "Am I doing something wrong?" Eventually I sug...

A Clone Calls

I get a friend request from a friend on Facebook. Hi, she says, have you heard the good news? It seems that she has been awarded $100,000 from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Sometimes from some unspecified Federal agency that is giving out large sums of money to random people for no obvious reason (because hey, that's how the federal government works, isn't it). And guess what? I'm on the recipient list too! All I have to do to get my money is send an email to some guy to register my claim. She gives me the email address of some guy. The deal is, I've won $$$$ and I send $ to register my claim It's a bit odd, because I'm already friends with my friend - how come she is sending me a friend request? And when I look at her profile, it's all new. So I check - and lo and behold, my friend is wholly unaware of having sent me a friend request today. We report it to Facebook, and after a few hours the ...

Don't get caught

Out of the blue, this lovely girl wants to show me her breasts Well, you know instantly that it isn't true. Sadly, beautiful girls don't contact me out of the blue and offer to show me their bodies. It isn't going to happen. You might be tempted to go along with it - you're a bloke, your brain is in your penis - and a friend of mine did. What happens is that the scammer gets her kit off and gets you to do the same. She then films you responding to her sex cam stuff. And then you start to get the blackmail demands. My friend was lucky - he's divorced and self-employed, so not easy to blackmail. He reported to the cops, but as his scammer was in Ghana (or like mine, India) there isn't a lot that the Merseyside cops can do. I reported my one to Facebook as a fake account - gratifyingly, Facebook removed her within five minutes. But she'll be back. Don't get caught

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